"Destiny's powerful hand has made the bed of my future and it's up to me to lie in it. I am destined to be a superhero, to right wrongs and pound two-fisted justice into the hearts of evil-doers everywhere. You don't fight destiny, no sir! And you don't eat crackers in the bed of your future or you get all...scratchy. Hey, I'm narrating here!" -The Tick vs. The Idea Men

"You're not going crazy, you're going sane in a crazy world!" -The Tick vs. The Idea Men

"A heart of gold beats under that big fiberglass croissant, Arthur. And thank goodness for it! It's spirit like hers that allowed us to thwart Chairface's evil scheme and thwart we did." -The Tick vs. Chairface Chippendale

"Well, once again my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences,...but the other head of science is bad! Oh beware the other head of science, Arthur, it bites!" -The Tick vs. Dinosaur Neil

"The human mind is a dangerous plaything, boys. When it's used for evil, watch out! But when it's used for good, then things are much nicer." -The Tick vs. Mr. Mental

"Let us not forget the lesson that we can learn from this, Arthur, that man was not meant to tamper with the four basic food groups" -The Tick vs. The Breadmaster

"I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli." -The Tick vs. El Seed

"I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. We're superheroes, man! We don't have time to be charming! The boots of evil were made for walking. We're watching the big picture, friend. We know the score. We are a public service, not glamour boys! Not captains of industry! Not makers of things! Keep your vulgar moneys. We are a justice sandwich, no toppings necessary! Living rooms of America, do you catch my drift? Do you...dig?" -The Tick vs. The Tick

"I don't know the meaning of the word surrender! I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb...just not in this context." -The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold

"So foul gelatin, you would do battle with the nose of your birth?" -The Tick vs. The Uncommon Cold

"You know gang, when you're a superhero, you never know where the day will take you. You may find yourself halfway around the world in the shark-infested waters of true-to-life living. Or you may find yourself going down to the store for a lozenge. You can't know, can you? No! You gotta ride that wave, you gotta suck that lozenge! Cause if you don't, who will?" -The Tick vs. Pineapple Pokopo

"Supermodels usually don't date guys who live in the dirt." -The Tick vs. The Mole Men

"Oh what a goofy work is man!" -The Tick vs. Proto Clown

"Yes, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can't let the package hid the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspaper of goodness! Bad dog! Bad dog!" -The Tick vs. Arthur's Bank Account

"You know Arthur, it's really been quite a day. On the outside, on the surface, oh sure, we were pursued by swiss industrial spies, trapped in the belly of a whale. Buy what really pursued us? Where were we really trapped? C'mon Arthur! Get Meta with me! What pursued us were our own obsessions. I'm good, you're evil. I'm a superhero, you're a sidekick. I'm a woman, you're a man. What does it all mean? Nothing! And where were we all trapped? I'll tell you where Arthur! In the belly of love, love chum love." -Little Wooden Boy and the Belly of Love

"Yes my slimey friend, once again slime does not pay! You can't just coat yourself with artificial mucus and slip thorough the long fingers of the law. It's wrong and it's gross" -Little Wooden Boy and the Belly of Love

"One small step for The Tick, one giant step..for say..a little bug or some guy who has been shrunk to the size of a little penny." -Alone Together

"You know Arthur, when you spend two months riding around on a really big man, you start to learn a few things about yourself. You learn that it is a really great thing to stay on Earth and live in a place that has no arms or legs of its own. And most importantly, Arthur, you learn how to close your eyes and tell yourself that this just isn't happening to me. So, did you miss me?" -Alone Together

"When evil sees a twinheaded, Arthur powered, flying engine of justice barreling down upon it, great will be its trembling!" -Armless but not Harmless

"Oh no..no..gentlemen.. It is we who should be sorry. Arthur and I have the utmost respect for the law. And we never would have run from you had it not been absolutely necessary and in the service of a greater good. AAAHH!! You know Arthur, when evil is afoot and you don't have any arms, you gotta use your head. And when evil is ahead and you're behind you gotta do the legwork but when you can't get a leg up, you gotta be hip, you gotta keep your leg up, you gotta kick some....Well sidekick give me some of them arms." -Armless but not Harmless

"You know though today was the worst day of my life, I learned many things. First, the world looks a lot different when you're six inches tall and covered in feathers. Second, two heads are definitely not better than one. And finally you can lay an egg and still feel like a man." -Coach Fussell's Lament

"You know..I've heard the smarter you are, the more wrinklely your brain. And you guys' brains must be the wrinkleliest! Oh sure, ordinary Joes like me and Arthur here, maybe our brains are a little on the smooth side. Buy you don't have to be a genius to know that evil is bad!...And..Good isn't!" -Leonardo Da Vinci and his Fightin' Genius Commandos

"Yeah, the first patrol is usually pretty quiet. Your average villain prefers the cover of night. You get the occasional evil morning person but rarely before seven. I don't know why that is. By seven-thirty, eight o'clock, evil is wide awake. But we're even wider! We've been up since six-thirty!" -Heroes

"Well folks, there you have it. A day in the life of a superhero and his sidekick. It's a very long day, the tights are uncomfortable; I think we covered that before. Map light, convenient and essential. A lot of working of villains motifs. Crime has a bossanova beat. Leap before you look. Remember denouement. Other French words: inconvenient, nonessential...Oh...I could go on and on...but time's a wasting and evil's out there making hand crafted mischief for the swapmeat of villany. And you can't strike a good deal with evil. No matter how much you haggle! We don't need to look for a bargain; goodness is cheap because it's free and free is as cheap as it gets. Cut!....What was that pig about?" -Heroes

"Wait a minute you! I heard about people like you. Are you saying 'You don't believe in Santa Claus?!' and you call yourself, SUPERHEROES?" -The Tick Loves Santa

"Arthur! Static electricity shorts them out. Their achilles heel is the noogie!" -The Tick Loves Santa

"You know Arthur, this strange Christmas episode has taught us much. Now we know that Santa Claus is real. He's a compulsive gift giver and he's Christmas all over. We, like his wondrous reindeer, should carry his message forward. so, shove that bit in your mouth! Shake your mossy antlers and strike your hooves against the sky! Or just wake up and open your presents. I mean, hey, it's Christmas!....Arthur! My...my...dancing sugar plums...they're back! Merry Christmas to you Arthur! Merry Christmas!" -The Tick Loves Santa

"And so Arthur, we learned that gambling is bad and yet in a certain sense isn't life itself a gamble? You can never really be sure of anything. Like who would have thought that dolphins could go bad and that fish were magnetic. Not me, no sir, not me." -The Tick vs. Reno, Nevada

Ah-ha, Chess! That ancient contest of wits! Two opponents. Mano a Mano. Braino a Braino. And look, magnets for ease of travel. Why, you could play chess on the moon! -The Tick vs. Filth

"Sun-worshipping dog launchers! You face the Tick! And his dog, Speak!" -Sidekicks don't kiss